Trigger Moments – they come; they go; they can ambush without consent.
Trigger Moments bring us back to a time and place with a loved one who has died or who is dying … who has dementia and whose mind is dying … who is missing and not yet found … a much-loved canine/feline friend who has died or for whom we have made the difficult decision for a veterinarian-assisted death.
Trigger Moments enter conversations and thoughts in other ways … catalyst for recovering addicts/alcoholics to slip … PTSD flashbacks … COVID19 when thoughts of “what was, is no longer” surround and affect on all levels: body, mind and spirit.
Trigger Moments can be sweet.
Trigger Moments can cause deep pain.
Trigger Moments can intensify the desire to have “just one more” conversation … one more laugh … one more time to travel … one more opportunity to be together in holy silence in the Studio or garden, creating … one more embrace … just one more “we” moment.
When those Trigger Moments show up, when the tears flow and we are helpless to stop them, it is natural to want to “get over it.” I know that I do.
Instead, I let the tears flow … do some gentle, deep breathing … and acknowledge that the tears and sadness are part of the grief experience and I am not “losing it”.
Trigger Moments. In those moments, I know I need to care for – and take care of – my husband’s wife … me.
And I do – finding comfort in sitting on our deck beside the chair my husband used … sipping cold lemonade, enjoying the peace, quiet and beauty of our back yard … feeling his presence in a gentle way … and knowing that eventually, the Trigger Moment which left me reeling with the pain of loss, will pass.
I know that Trigger Moments are a natural part of healing from loss.
I don’t like them.
I know that there will be other Trigger Moments.
All I can do when they come is … let the tears flow and deep breathing happen … remember that such moments are part of the grief experience … recognize and accept the reality that in time, healing will come … take comfort in the words of the prophet Isaiah “joy shall come, even in the wilderness”.
Grief is part of life.
Trigger Moments come.
Trigger Moments go.
May they not be resented. May they not be despised.
May they be welcomed
as part of the grieving process
as part of the healing process
as part of the circle of life.
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Photo and Text © June Maffin
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A very beautiful piece June. I became a widow at age 57, 6 years ago. I never realized just how different my world has become. Even after 6 years, the trigger moment still happens and yes, usually when you least expect it.
Terri
Beautiful, June. Wise, and strong.
I share your tears with you.
I can indeed ‘see’ the two of you in those two seeming empty chairs …
Beautifully written. I know your grief too well. I lost 5 very important people in my life this March. I too share your trigger moments. This piece has given me some solace. Thank you.
One thing for sure: You are not alone. Your writing identifies with anyone who has known deep grief in losing a loved one. Both my younger Sister and I felt hollow inside following our Mother’s death. It was unexpected and she always came through. Our hollowness lasted 18 months for both my sister & I. My younger sister felt abandoned. I did not feel that at all. I knew I would not hear her laughter again, see her face or feel her kisses. Writing this out now, 20 years later, causes my eyes to flood with longing for my Mother. This is normal. ❤️