Grief is such a powerful emotion. Being able to participate in a funeral, a Celebration of Life, a Memorial service for someone who has died, can be a helpful ritual. But what about when such events aren’t happening, or Mother Nature interferes and travel is inadvisable, or the gathering/service isn’t being recorded, or it’s only happening for immediate family, or …?
Grief can become an unwelcome visitor deep inside our soul at any time – when death happens – when loss of any kind is experienced.
And when Hanukkah, Christmas, Solstice, Kwaanza, birthdays, anniversaries arrive, the grief can feel unsurmountable when others seem to be so happy. What then? There are church services (“Blue Christmas”, “Longest Day” etc.) but they may not be helpful to everyone.
Perhaps a personal ritual – done at home – quietly – alone or with a few others – might be of help. If so, I invite you to print out “Make Time to Mourn. Make Time to Grieve” below.
May we all remember that grieving takes time. There is no one ‘right’ way to grieve. Grief surfaces at ‘expected’ times. Grief surfaces at ‘unexpected’ times. Grief surges and wanes. Grief can seem overwhelming.
This is the time of the year when many expect to feel happy and joyful, but cannot because they are experiencing loss of … a loved one … job … family pet … relationship … home … finances … health … hope.
All are welcome to use this little liturgy as individuals, at church services such a “Blue Christmas” and “Longest Night” service and community gatherings. As always, you are welcome to share. May healing, grace, hope and peace surround and infill you.
June Maffin https://www.soulistry.com/blog @soulistryjune.bsky.social
Before you begin, I encourage you to find some matches and candles. As each candle is lit (hopefully in a darkened or semi-darkened room to get the effect of the light emanating from the candle), you may want to have some quiet music playing in the background. Or, you might want to do the ritual in silence. Try not to have the tv, loud music on, or do this at a time when children/family/friends/pets could make demands on you.
If you want some symbolism, choose your candles accordingly. I prefer to use royal blue (the colour of hope), but you may find that white (the colour of wholeness), red (the colour of Spirit), green (the colour of new life) offers deeper significance for you. Use whatever coloured candles you like or have on hand. Speak / think / pray each phrase slowly, reflectively. There is no need to hurry. This is your time.
To begin … take a few slow, deep breaths from your abdomen, inhaling a sense of peace and exhaling that which brings anxiety. When you find your breathing has slowed down, light the first candle.
LIGHT FIRST CANDLE AND SAY/THINK/PRAY … I light this candle to remember those who have been loved and lost. I pause to remember them … their face, their voice, their name. GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO REMEMBER THEM.
THEN SAY/THINK/PRAY I give thanks for the memory and circumstance that binds them to me. May Eternal Love surround them. [Silent time for reflection and simply “be-ing”]
LIGHT THE SECOND CANDLE AND SAY/THINK/PRAY I light this second candle to redeem the pain of loss: the loss of relationship, the loss of job, the loss of health, the loss of finances. GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO THINK OF WHATEVER YOU ARE EXPERIENCING AS ‘LOSS’ THIS DAY.
THEN SAY/THINK/PRAY: As I gather up the pain of the past, I offer it, asking that into my open hands the gift of peace, of shalom, of wholeness be placed. GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO DO THIS
THEN SAY/THINK/PRAY: May I be refreshed, restored and renewed [Silent time for reflection and simply “be-ing.”]
LIGHT THE THIRD CANDLE AND SAY/THINK/PRAY… I light this third candle to remember myself. I pause and remember the past weeks, months (years): … the down times … the poignancy of memories … the grief … the sadness … the hurt … the anger … the numbness … the shock … the pain of reflecting on my own mortality … the fear GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO DO THIS
THEN SAY/THINK/PRAY: May I remember that dawn defeats darkness. May I remember the words written on a wall at Dachau prison — “I believe in the sun even when it’s not shining. I believe in the stars even when I see them not. I believe in God even when I don’t see God.” (OR FOR A FINAL SENTENCE: “I believe in hope even when I don’t feel it.” [Silent time of reflection and simply “be-ing.”]
LIGHT THE FOURTH CANDLE AND SAY/THINK/PRAY … I light this fourth candle to remember the gift of hope. I lean on the Holy One who shares my life, and who promises a place and time of no more pain and suffering and who loves unconditionally. GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO DO THIS OR SUBSTITUTE ANY PHRASING THAT WILL BE MEANINGFUL FOR YOU.
THEN SAY/THINK/PRAY: May I not forget the One who shows the way and Who goes with me into my tomorrows (or substitute any phrasing of gratitude that will be meaningful for you) [Silent time of reflection and simply “be-ing.”]
CLOSE BY SAYING/THINKING/PRAYING Amen. So be it. Amen. (“Amen” means is “So be it.”) [Silent time of reflection and simply “be-ing” in the darkness]
When you’re ready, transition back to your regular activities by doing something for yourself if you’re able: a long leisurely bath; a hot cup of tea/hot chocolate; listen to some gentle music … and know that there are people who care and that even though you may feel alone, you are not completely alone.
An aside: revisiting the “Make Time to Mourn. Make Time to Grieve” ritual (whenever experiencing loss) can bring healing and hope and adapting this Gaelic blessing (using ‘me’ instead of ‘you’) can be a gentle way to re-connect to the peace experienced as you moved through the “Make Time to Mourn. Make Time to Grieve” ritual. Not just a one-time opportunity for helping to move through grief/loss because we experience various kinds of loss throughout our lives so print it out, file it, share it, use it. May it bless you in your moments of grief.
Deep peace of the running wave to you (me). Deep peace of the flowing air to you (me). Deep peace of the quiet earth to you (me). Deep peace of the shining stars to you (me). Deep peace of the infinite peace to you (me).
This Sunday begins the third week in the Season of Advent … the week of joy … and a story that is true.
The baby was given two names at birth. Gene (her father was expecting a boy) and Dolores. And so began the life of Gene Dolores.
Raised in poverty, Gene Dolores had to leave school at twelve to work and help support her family. Serious health issues plagued her life, as did many tragedies. It would have been easy for her to dwell on her misfortunes and live her life according to her middle name (Dolores), the root of which means ‘sorrow’ … not the greatest of names for a sweet little baby girl.
We all know that there are times when life intervenes in our lives, happiness seems evasive and negativity overwhelms. But even in those moments, joy is there for us … to choose. Even in these difficult times in the middle of the Season of Advent whose theme is JOY!
So back to the story of little Gene Dolores. And yes, this is a real story about a real person. As the years passed, in spite of a life of poverty, tragedy and ill health, Gene Dolores learned that unlike happiness (a feeling), joy was a choice (a decision).
Gene Dolores chose to live a life of joy and as she did, she slowly began to discover sadness and depression lifting at times, and her life changing slowly.
A very gifted dancer, a wonderful opportunity came her way when she was seventeen: an invitation to be on Broadway in New York City and dance with Broadway and movie star at the time – Ray Bolger. Bolger delighted in working with Gene Dolores and recognized a special “joy-within” her and began to call her “Joy.” It was a name she later adopted for the rest of her life.
I never met Gene Dolores. I did meet Joy. She was my mother.
Here we are, half-way to Christmas and yet, with so many dealing with reminders of the fragility of life … war, illness, sadness, grief, fear, depression, devastation, destruction, death, homelessness, addiction, political haranguing and more, it’s not surprising that many ask … “Joy? How can there be joy?”
Perhaps the poem by the little girl who began life as Gene Dolores who had changed her name to Joy yet continued to struggle with deep sadness, ill health and feelings of despair, when she wrote this on her 70th birthday, can encourage us all: “Even though, at times, it would appear I have almost nothing to be joyful about and feel full of despair as I begin to count my blessings and feel grateful to God for even the smallest one joy begins to permeate my being and fill my heart.
It grows so quickly! Even the troubles I am experiencing have little power to depress or overwhelm me. It is like a magic spring! Always bubbling beneath the surface. All it takes to make it appear and flood my being is a conscious love for my Creator and a deep sense of gratitude for permitting me to catch even the smallest glimpse of this wonderful JOY divine. <author: Joy Mack, June 10, 1985)
There are people in our own families, neighbourhoods, world who are in danger, are homeless, dealing with grief, addiction, deep stress, fearful of what tomorrow may bring. Some of those are known to us. Some are unknown to us. They experience little, or no, joy. On this Third Sunday of Advent – “Joy” Sunday – may we think of them.
In that ‘thinking of them’, in those prayers, in those thoughts, may their spirit know they are not alone. And may they be given the courage they need to survive, to endure, to carry on and to experience “a glimpse of the Joy divine.”
*************************** AN ASIDE: The photo (scroll down) of my mother, Joy Mack, and Hollywood movie and Broadway star Ray Bolger, together on the Broadway stage at the end of their dance show Mr. Bolger’s words on the back of the photo read: To “Joy, Here’s hoping I’m not too presumptuous. Best always. Ray Bolger“. It’s really blurry – but a treasure for our family.
Mr. Bolger’s “presumption” to call Gene Dolores ‘Joy’, began Mom’s journey from ‘sorrow’ (‘Dolores’) to ‘Joy.’ It was not something that came easily to her, but as she learned about gratitude and began to refocus her life on her blessings, her final years found her to be a woman of much joy, befitting her ‘chosen’ name.
As for the little card – I loved making it and nestling it in the midst of the lights of the Christmas tree for me to see each day during the four weeks of the Season of Advent last year as a reminder of the four-fold Advent themes: peace, hope, joy, love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ May this, the Third Sunday of Advent, bring joy your way in gentle, unexpected and blessed ways. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Somewhere this moment, there is a wee one, uttering a prayer for Two-Legged creatures she sees on her travels.
“O Creator-Of-Us-All, I pray for the Two-Legged creatures who foolishly ignore the signs that are all around. Signs which, if they aren’t acted upon, will result in even more damage to the environment.
Thee-Who-Is-Truth, I pray for those Two-Legged creatures who hear truth about climate change and yet choose to ignore it.
O Holy-One-Who-Celebrates-Life, I pray for wisdom and compassion for all in the Two-Legged world so the spread of untruths will be stopped and the devastation of this planet we share with them will come to an end.
Thee-Who-Loves-All-Creatures, I pray for unconditional love to move in the hearts of the Two-Legged creatures whose hearts are cold and whose minds are focused on selfish ways.
May this prayer be heard and may the Two-Legged ones exercise wisdom, compassion and kindness to us and to one another.
This day, this night, this moment … Creator … Holy One … Hearer of Whispered Concerns … Listener of Unspoken Fears … Gentle Bearer of Grief remind the Two-Legged creatures that this earth is sacred the waters are sacred the sky is sacred the animal, plant, fish, mammal, insect kingdoms are sacred and they, Two-Legged creatures are sacred.
This day, this night, Sacred Friend Who Loves Unconditionally, remind the Two-Legged creatures of your call to them to be good stewards of the lands, the skies, the waters, each other, and themselves.
And remind them that if they don’t change their ways they will not survive and neither will I.
Oh, how our world needs peace. Oh how we, our families, our communities, our neighbourhoods, our countries, our world needs peace.
But fear, busyness, worry, grief, physical pain, guilt, sleepless nights, and those “what-if’s” creep in. And then there are the actions of bullies (at work, school, cyberspace), conspiracy theorists, some politicians, etc., who propel thoughts away from experiencing any sense of peace.
And yet … and yet serenity and peace are available.
We only need to be aware of them … but how? where? when?
They’re there … in the gift of our breath … in the gift of gentle words, spoken aloud … in the silence of hearts for another and for ourselves … in meditations like David Adams’ “Circle Me” (adapted as follows) which can be used by people of faith, of little faith, of no faith: “Keep protection near and danger afar.Circle me. Keep hope within and doubt without.Circle me. Keep light near and darkness afar.Circle me. Keep peace within and evil out.” Others can be encompassed in such prayers/meditations by simply substituting ‘us’ for ‘me’ which can be an encouragement in times of stress.
Stress – a nasty six letter word … or, is it? Few know or realize that there are two kinds of stress. “Eustress” and “Distress.” Sometimes, stress is experienced as “eustress” (from the Greek “eu” meaning ‘good’) which, according to endocrinologist Hans Selye, is the kind of stress that is healthy and gives a good, positive feeling. Then there is the stress that is experienced as “distress” (from the Latin prefix “dis” meaning ‘having a negative force.’ That form of stress is about unpleasant/negative feelings or emotions that impact the level of functioning, whether or not they are related to work, relationships, health, finances, busyness, politics, grief, needing to be perfect or always organized. Sometimes, distress is related to fear (fear of the known; fear of the unknown). And sometimes, the distress is a combination of several of the above.
The interesting thing is – our body receives a signal of ‘stress’ regardless of whether it is ‘eu’ or ‘dis’. Eustress is welcome. Distress seldom is. To that end, we do what we can to alleviate the distress in our lives. But how to do that?
Many are noting that this is Advent 2 in the Season of Advent. And while the Season of Advent is based in Christianity, its theme of Peace transcends religion as Rabbi Jonathan Sacks’ reminds: “For though my faith is not yours and yours is not mine, if we are each free to light our own flame, together we can banish some of the darkness in the world.” I find it to be a powerful reminder that together, we can be part of bringing peace into the world.
Another way of alleviating stress – bringing a touch of peace within – is by the lighting of candles. Significant in many faiths and cultural traditions, when candles are lit, darkness dissipates – if only for a moment – and can be a sign of the possibility of peace. While I’m not Jewish, I love their tradition of using the Shamash (which stands in the centre of the Menorah candelabra) to light the four candles on the Shamash’s left side and four candles on its right side). For each night of Hanakkah, the Shamash (‘helper’ candle) lights one of the Menorah’s eight candles. What a metaphor for us all. Whether we are Jew, atheist, Hindu, Buddhist, Christian, Sikh, agnostic, Zoroastrian, Muslim or something else, perhaps we can all be an Advent candlelighter … a Shamash of Peace in our world.
May we take this moment of the Second Week of the Season of Advent and invite peace… for those living in war-torn countries … for those living in our own country in fear … for those living with unrelenting stress … for ourselves, families, work places, government offices, streets, playgrounds, places of worship, schools etc.. Perhaps this adapted prayer from the New Zealand Prayer Book will offer some guidance: “I take this moment, a moment for stillness in the presence of of the-possibility-of Holy Other.I acknowledge that what has been done has been done. What has not been done has not been done. I let it be.Just as the night is dark, I choose to let fears of the darkness of the world and of my own life rest. Rest with Holy Peace.Just as the night is quiet, I invite the quietness of Holy Peace to enfold – enfold all dear to us – enfold all who experience no peace.Just as the night heralds the dawn, may I look expectantly to a new day, new joys, new possibilities.” So may it be. Amen. So may it be.
****** (While often used in religious ceremonies/prayers, the word “amen” isn’t “religious” per se. It simply means “So may it be.”
My friends, may peace, deep peace, be yours. May each of us be the Shamash in the world around us in some small way and light an Advent Candle for Peace literally and figuratively so that each of us is a reflection and beacon of peace to others. мир. Shalom. Paix. Vrede. Patz. Salaam. Lapè. Hacaña. Mir. Santi. Zhi-bde. Pau. Minaggen. Hohiyi. Heddwich. Friede. Irini. Paco. Baké. Paz. Solh. Síocháin. Shee. śānti. Udo. Friður. Rangima’arie, Nohopuku, Rongo. Vrede. Pokój. Pace. Santipap. Barış. Peace
The United States – it’s not very “united” these days. But then again, other countries are experiencing great division – families are experiencing fractured relationships – friendships are in jeopardy. There is a lot of darkness in the world – not just in the United States, or Ukraine, or developing countries, but here in this little Valley where I live.
The darkness is troubling yet I find hope in light.
I am grateful for the lighting of candles that forms an integral part of a number of traditions in various faiths and countries – like the Moravian Star. First introduced to children in Moravian schools as a geometry lesson in the mid 1830’s, it was soon adopted throughout many parts of Europe, the West Indies, Greenland, Suriname, Labrador, Central America, South and East Africa and in parts of India where Christianity was evident because of its representation of the Star of Bethlehem. What makes a Moravian star unique and distinct from other stars is its symmetrical shape which is based on a three-dimensional solid with flat faces, straight edges and sharp corners.
I hadn’t heard of the Moravian Star until it found its way into my life through my beloved Dutch-born husband, Hans.
Each year, I loved it when Hans would open the little box, put the pieces together and the Moravian Star was placed in our kitchen window during the Season of Advent. Though Hans died in 2016, he is still with me in many intangible ways – and through this Moravian Star still hanging in the kitchen window and lit during the Season of Advent.
Whatever we use — Christmas tree, Moravian Star, Menorah, string of lights across our window, candles in an Advent log, a single candle burning in a home/apartment in Ukraine where power and heat don’t work .. let us light a candle … discourage darkness. Let us shine light in the world … let us Be Light in the world.
A still, small voice … whispers “Where is the hope?” A circle of friends … gather, light candles and through tears, gasp “There must be hope.” Nations of people … shake their heads and mumble “Is hope possible?”
Phrases like … “It’s hopeless” ... “I can’t even hope that change will happen” … “Hope doesn’t exist” seem to be popping up in conversations, more and more lately as illness, grief, aging, politics, broken relationships, fear surface and seem to take over thoughts, feelings, perceived reality. Hope seems to be elusive.
Consider these words by Natalie Sleath “In the bulb there is a flower, in the seed, an apple tree. In cocoons, a hidden promise, butterflies will soon be free!” She broadens the theme of hope reminding readers that “In the cold and snow of winter, there’s a spring that waits to be … and that “There’s a song in every silence, seeking word and melody … a dawn in every darkness, bringing hope to you and me,” further reminding us that “from the past will come the future, what it holds, a mystery”.
While Natalie Sleath’s poem/song gently references belief in a Higher Power/God/Creator, even without those references, her words are a powerful reminder that there is always hope. <Natalie Sleath https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpqHE84LAAw>
There have been times in my life when hope has been elusive but it’s never been gone. When I stand on my back deck and look at the evening skies, there’s something that draws me to gaze in awe. Not a gorgeous sunset – no birds flying overhead dotting the horizon. Really, nothing spectacular. And maybe that’s the wonder of it all … the hope.
In their simplicity, the slight colour differences in the sky peering through the almost-barren trees, a sense of peace and calm is portrayed and hope fills in / returns to my soul. There is always hope.
The theme of ‘hope’ for the first week of the Season of Advent is so appropriate – and timely as are the adapted words of songwriters Jill Jackson & Sy Milleron. Their “Let There Be Peace on Earth” words are a reminder on this First Sunday in Advent that each of us can be a part of bringing hope to our world … ““Let there be hope on earth, and let it begin with me. Let there be hope on earth, the hope that was meant to be. With ev’ry step I take, let this be my solemn vow – to take each moment and live each moment in hope eternally. Let there be hope on earth, and let it begin with me.”
May the Season of Advent be an opportunity for hope … to be welcomed May the Season of Advent be an opportunity for hope … to be experienced May the Season of Advent be an opportunity for hope … to be shared.
And may all be blessed with a bundle – a cupful … or even just a ‘drop’ of hope each day. May this Season of Advent bring a blessing … a blessing of hope to our world.
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As always, you are welcome to comment and share. Thank you.
Whether we like it or not, stores are beginning to display Christmas decorations and play Christmas music; Christmas trees are going up in homes, businesses and offices; inflatable Santas are appearing on lawns – and it’s not even the month of December yet!
Why the rush? I can’t help but wonder if people know about the Season of Advent – four precious weeks which begin a gentle countdown to Christmas. And it begins this Sunday for those living in the west.
Some think that the Season of Advent is just for Christians. It’s not. Many non-Christians follow some of these customs as well and adopt them as part of their holiday preparation.
Want to know more? I’ve updated a description of some of the symbols and traditions of the Season of Advent (and some Christmas traditions as well) below. As usual, you are welcome to share this/any Soulistry reflection with others. The specific link to this Soulistry reflection is https://soulistry.com/journey-through-advent
Instead of the busyness and hectic weeks leading up to Christmas (which many usually experience before Christmas Day) there could be a gentle waiting, anticipation and preparation for Christmas in the adoption of one or more of these traditions and particularly this year, inculcate a spirit of gentleness, calm and peace-filled preparation for the upcoming holidays.
May the Season of Advent bring blessings more than we can ask or imagine! June Maffin
Blessing / Gratitude Box / Jar: Advent is an opportunity to “be still” and be aware of the blessings in life and the Gratitude/Blessing (Box/Jar) is a tangible way of encouraging such an attitude.
Take a small box, put a slot in the lid, wrap the box to look like a gift, place it in a central location so that gifts of money can be placed into it each day in thankful gratitude. Invite everyone in the family/house to note the things for which they”re grateful and then have each person choose a currency for each ‘blessing’ on the list and contribute accordingly from their allowance, spending money, earnings, savings etc..
For example – Deposit a quarter (or nickel or dime or dollar or whatever (for each notation on the list) if you had at least two meals that day – for each glass of water consumed that day – for each hour of television you watched that day – for every electrical appliance you used that day – for every light bulk in your home – for each person who has visited a doctor in the past year – for each phone call or text you made that day – for each toilet in your home – for each bath/shower you used that day – for each time the dryer, washer, dishwasher, iron were used that day. Add a quarter (or dime or loonie – whatever) if you’re wearing clothes that have only belonged to you, if you have a bed of your own to sleep, if your house is kept warm (or cool) by anything other than the weather. Have adults add up the total number of years your family members have gone to school and put a dime/quarter/etc. into the box for each year and each person. The list is individual for each family and individual and many other things could be added to the list. The collected money can then be given to a local/global charity. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Advent Calendar: Many Advent Calendars have little doors numbered for each day throughout the Season of Advent which open to reveal a small gift, treat, symbol of Christmas, Bible verse and each day of Advent, a door is opened.
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Advent Candles: Used for centuries to symbolize Jesus Christ as the Light of the World, they remind believers of the way that Jesus changed the darkness of hatred and evil into the light of Hope, Peace, Joy and Love … themes of the Season of Advent.
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Colours of the Season of Advent: In Roman and Orthodox Christian traditions, purple is the preferred colour while in Protestant and Episcopal/Anglican the colour of royal blue is growing in popularity. The colour blue is reflected in Nature during Advent’s time of the year in much of the western hemisphere when slight colour differences in the sky peer through almost-barren-trees (like this photo taken from our back deck), evening skies no longer reveal the gorgeous sunsets of summer, and birds flying overhead dotting the horizon are seen less frequently. Really nothing spectacular. And yet, maybe its simplicity is its beauty, encouraging us to slow down and be mindful of the gentle wonder of the Season of Advent.
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The Advent Wreath: is circle-shaped as a reminder to those who believe in the Creator / Higher Power/God that there is no beginning and no end to always has been, is now and will be, forever and is a reminder of eternal life forever with God for believers. The four candles around the wreath (one lit on each Sunday morning of the Season of Advent) represent the four Sundays of Advent. The colour of the candles is either purple or royal blue (refer to Advent Colours above) except for the one in the middle of the Advent Wreath which is white candle, symbolizing the light of Jesus and is the last candle to be lit (on Christmas Eve). Some traditions include a pink candle on the third Sunday of Advent. The lighting of the candles for the four weeks of Advent can simply be a ritual without religious connotation.
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The Yule Log has the longest history of all Advent traditions. A burning log was a symbol of home and safety even back in the days of cave-dwellers where fire kept wild animals away from the cave.
The Yule Log tradition (a variation of the Advent Wreath) began in Scandinavian countries when, months before Christmas, a tree was chosen, cut down and allowed to dry so that when it was decorated with ribbons and candles were inserted and then set ablaze (lit from a portion of the previous year’s Yule Log – symbolizing eternity), families made amends with one another. All quarrels were to be forgotten and families were to draw closer together in love and they prayed that their hearts would remain warm throughout the coming year.
The Yule Logsometimeshas sufficient candles to represent each day throughout Advent including four royal blue (or purple) candles for each Sunday in Advent and a large white candle in the centre to represent the birth of Jesus. As in the Advent Wreath, the intensity of light grows each day, with each candle that is lit until there is a blaze of light when the birth of Jesus is celebrated on Christmas.
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Blue Christmas: In the afternoon/early evening of the third Sunday in the Season of Advent, a liturgy (known as ‘Blue Christmas’ … or ‘When Christmas Hurts’ … or ‘Time To Mourn, Time To Heal’) is offered in many churches, communities or funeral homes. For some, Christmas may be a painful reminder of their loss of a loved family member or friend who has died. It may be a stressful time due to financial constraints. The constant refrain on radio and tv and in shopping malls about the happiness of the holiday season and getting together with family and friends can remind people of what they have lost or have never had. The anguish of broken relationships, the insecurity of unemployment, the weariness of ill health, the pain of isolation, the fear of possible ramifications of political decisions – each can contribute to a feeling of being alone in the midst of celebrations.
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Cards: The tradition of sending Christmas greetings began in England as school children, away from home, wrote Christmas letters home during the Season of Advent to their parents in their best penmanship. Adults also sent Christmas cards to their friends. In 1840, the Christmas card as we now know it, is said to have first appeared.
Designed by William Egley, a young engraver’s apprentice, the card showed people singing Christmas carols, giving food to the poor and dancing. Since that time, the tradition of making homemade Christmas cards and sending Advent letters reviewing the events of the past year have become part of the Christmas preparation.
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The Nativity Scene: The creche / manger / Nativity (representing the scene of Jesus’ birth) was first made by St. Francis of Assisi around the year 122 C.E. when he realized that people in his little village in Italy had lost sight of the real meaning of Christmas. When the Nativity Scene is on display in homes or public areas during Advent, the creche/manger where Jesus was born is empty until Christmas Eve or Christmas morning when the Baby is added. The Magi are reserved for the Season of Epiphany (which begins January 6th in western celebrations) and are not added to the Nativity Scene until that time.
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Holiday Foods: There are many fascinating customs throughout the world when it comes to Advent and Christmas celebrations. Armenians eat fried fish and boiled spinach; Albanians eat pancakes made without oil or butter leaving a spoonful of food on the plate indicating gratitude for having more than they need. In Poland, special nativity cookies are baked which are stamped with scenes of the Nativity (Creche/Manger) and they exchange nativity cookies in the same way others in Advent exchange Christmas cards. When dinner is served, an empty chair is placed for the Holy Child and a few straws are scattered on the dinner table to remind everyone of the Stable in which Christ was born.
In North America, mince pie is a favourite tradition which began in England as mutton pie, first baked in loaf pans in the shape of the Manger; the top crust was cut to look like the baby wrapped in cloths and the suet looked like straw; the apples and raisins represent “plenty” – the generosity of God; and the spices represent the gifts of the Magi. At one time, eating pies was believed to bring good luck so people would eat one pie each day between Christmas and Epiphany perhaps heralding the making of little pies (tarts) of today.
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Christmas Gifts: In the pre-Christian Roman Empire, it was common to give symbolic gifts at the beginning of the new year: a gift of sweets to make the year sweeter for the recipient … a gift of a lamp so the year might be filled with light … the gift of a coin so it would be a prosperous new year. Early Christians didn’t make much of Christmas (the day of Christ’s birth). It wasn’t until the Bishop Liberious of Rome decreed that people should celebrate December 25th as when Christ was born possibly because the Romans had used that date as the feast of Saturn, the sun god, and Christians honoured Christ as the Light of the World.
Around the 16th century, people commonly received three gifts representing something pleasant (e.g. perfume), something useful (e.g. a wooden spatula) and something to enrich their spirituality (e.g. a book on prayer). In some countries, gifts are exchanged on Epiphany, January 6th because presents symbolize the gifts brought by the Magi to the Christ Child.
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Christmas Ornaments: In Germany, the first Christmas trees were decorated with fruit, gilded nuts, paper roses and the Christ Child. Later, glass balls in beautiful colours replaced the fruit. In North America, the first ornaments were homemade – long strings of popcorn and cranberries, paper chains and paper stars. On trees in Poland, peacocks and birds joined angels and stars on the tree. Swedish people hang gaily painted wooden ornaments and straw figures of animals and children. In Denmark there are mobiles of bells, stars, snowflakes, hearts and sometimes tiny Danish flags. The Japanese adorn their trees with tiny fans and paper lanterns. Lithuanian women make straw birdcages, stars and geometric shapes. Czechoslovakian trees are hung with ornaments made of painted eggshells and a spider and web for good luck because of the legend of the poor woman who had nothing to put on her child’s tree until Christmas morning when she woke to find the branches covered with spider’s webs turned to silver by the rising sun. Chrismons (see below) are special ornaments.
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Christmas Stockings: Bishop Nicholas (later to be known as St. Nicholas lived around 325 C.E. and he secretly would give a gift of money to needy families. When he tossed the gold coins in the window one night, some landed in the stockings that had been hung to dry in front of the fireplace, so people hang Christmas Stockings in the hope that the spirit of St. Nicholas will visit them, too.
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The Christmas Tree: is a symbol of everlasting life – living forever with God. According to legend, the first Christmas Tree was revealed one Christmas Eve over 120 years ago. The English missionary, Winfred (later named St. Boniface) was trying to win people for Christ. He found a group gathered at a large oak tree about to sacrifice a little prince to their god, Thor. Winifred stopped them, cut down the tree and as it fell, a young fir tree sprang up. Winfred told the tribespeople about the birth of Christ and that the fir tree was a symbol of goodness and love that should be taken into their homes.
Others believe that the Christmas Tree tradition began in the 16th century with Martin Luther who was inspired by the beauty of tall evergreens against a starry sky. He cut down a tree, took it home to his family, placed lighted candles on the branches and said that they stood for the stars in the heavens above Bethlehem.
Chrismons: are ornaments made in the shape of Christian symbols – reminders of God’s unconditional love expressed through the life of Jesus Christ. The word ‘Chrismon’ is a combination of ‘Christ’ and ‘monogram’. Many of the monograms of Christ were used by Early Christians to identify themselves to one another and to designate meeting locations and places of worship often secret location). Usually made in colour combinations of white, gold and silver to symbolize the purity and majesty of God’s son, Chrismons are often hung on Jesse Trees during the Season of Advent, which are lit by tiny lights (white to represent the Light of the world; blue to represent the Hope of the world – and the Season of Advent). In former times, Chrismons were crocheted from white cotton but more recently, they have been made from felt (sometimes styrofoam), decorated with gold and silver spray, braid, sequins, glitter etc. and white ribbon is used to hang them on the Jesse Tree.
Some symbols used as Chrismons include: STAR (the star that guided the Magi); LIGHT (Jesus, the Light of the world); BOAT (with Christ, the storms of life can be sailed through; FISH (connection to Early Christians who used the fish symbol to self-identify their home as a Christian home); BIRD (dove/Holy Spirit which encourage the spiritual journey); ANGEL (angels who awoke the shepherds announcing Jesus’ birth); CIRCLES (reminder of the earth / Creation and God’s love which has no ending; different colours remind of the various colours of people on earth); PAPER CHAIN (the linking together of the Nations and People who are held together by God’s love); BELLS (announced “good news” of Jesus’ birth); CANDY CANES (the staff/cane of shepherds who were the first to visit the Christ Child); TRUMPET (the heralding of Jesus’ birth); and so many more. Sometimes, images and people in the Hebrew Bible (Old Testament) are used to decorate Jesse Trees and Scripture is read as the symbol was hung on the tree Moses – burning bush (Exodus 3); Noah – rainbow (Genesis 9); Jacob – ladder (Genesis 28); Joseph – coat of many colours (Genesis 37); Abraham and Sarah – tent (Genesis 21 & 22); David – Star of David (1 & 2 Samuel) etc.
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Holly: In the time when Christians were being persecuted because of their religion, they decorated their houses as the Romans did so they wouldn’t be noticed. As the numbers of Christians grew and Christianity became accepted, they gave the holly new meaning and it became part of the tradition of preparation for Christmas. Because holly keeps its berries all year, it signifies everlasting life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jesse Tree: The Jesse Tree had its beginnings in medieval times and in early times, churches added Jesse Trees to large carvings, tapestries and stained glass windows to help the illiterate people of the time to learn about the Bible from Creation to the Christmas Story. The ‘name’ (Jesse) comes from the father of King David (an ancestor of Jesus). The people of Israel expected their Messiah to be born from King David’s line (“A sprout from the root of Jesse”) and the image of ‘tree’ revolves around an understanding that tree branches are signs of new life/ new beginnings. As Jesus was a descendent of King David, Christians believe that the Jesse Tree is Jesus’ “family tree.” In recent times, the Jesse Tree has been used as an Advent Calendar where each day through Advent (or when used in congregational settings, just on the four Sundays of The Season of Advent) a Chrismon is hung on the tree.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MORE ADVENT CUSTOMS AND TRADITIONS AROUND THE WORLD
In Denmark, three things mark the Season of Advent: Nisse decorations (Nisse are the Danes’ response to Santa’s elves) and house cleaning home/yard/stables and barns (which must be completed by Christmas Eve), Calendar Candles (candles that are lit and burned just a little bit over night until it is finished on Christmas Eve) and Christmas Calendars where students bring a small wrapped package and then students take a turn opening a gift one of the days leading up to Christmas.
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In Finland, candles play an important role in the Season of Advent and often snow lanterns with candles burning in them show up in front and back yards.
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In the Netherlands, December 6th (St. Nicholas Day) is a day of great excitement for the children. Sinterklaas arrives by boat and then strolls through the town and city streets, delivering candies, nuts and treats in the wooden shoes the children leave out before they go to bed that night.
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In Mexico, the nine-day Las Posada procession begins on December 16th where a boy and girl are chosen to play Joseph and Mary and others carry candles, lanterns and and often, an empty manger. Often the procession sings at a particular house, asking for a room for Mary and Joseph and the homeowners respond in song. Other Advent Mexican customs include the breaking of a star-shaped pinata, the sharing of a meal and the sharing of Nacimientos (small creches – often homemade).
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In the Philippines, Advent begins at 4:00 am on December 16th when church bells ring and the Misa de Gallo (the Mass of the Rooster) begins (some believe) to show penance. The Philippines hold the title of the “Longest Celebrated Advent/Christmas Season) because carols are sung from September to January as parols (star-shaped lanterns) are usually lit with candles.
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A PERSONAL ASIDE: I love the Season of Advent and enjoy making crafts and Christmas gifts in the Season accompanied by gentle quiet music that slowly welcomes me into the ambience of Advent.
I set up a Christmas tree and decorate it with Royal Blue lights and it remains up for the entire Season of Advent. Then in four weeks time, the blue lights are replaced by red and green and white lights as Christmas crafts I’ve made over the years, Christmas cards and decorations slowly emerge until the culmination of Christmas Day for me … turkey! And on Boxing Day … turkey sandwiches with Vancouver Island cranberries made into homemade cranberry sauce. Yay!
The Season of Advent and the Season of Christmas can be gentle and wonderful (wonder-filled) experiences leading to the Season of Epiphany when the tree now has only white lights on it – white … the colour of the Season of Epiphany. But, I’m getting ahead of myself. Right now, my focus is on the Season of Advent.
To that end, on each of the Sundays in Advent, a Soulistry reflection will be posted. On Christmas Day – another reflection.
And then, on each of the Twelve Days of Christmas, there will be a separate Soulistry reflection. 🙂
Whether observing these Seasons as part of a religious practice, out of curiosity, or simply because you want to have something to help you move your focus away from the political rancour and rhetoric and on to exploring and experiencing spirituality as part of your being, you’re welcome to subscribe – receive each of the ‘Soulistry’ reflections during the Seasons of Advent, Christmas, Epiphany, Lent as well as other reflections. Personal information is never shared or sold to anyone or any organization.
May the four weeks of the Season of Advent bring blessings your way more than you can ask or imagine.
June Maffin https://soulistry.com/blog @soulistryjune.bsky.social
Have you ever started to create a new dish for supper only to realize it wasn’t going to be salvageable unless you did some “thinking out of the box”?
Have you ever created a greeting card or a painting or a sketch or some jewellery or … and discovered it was a mess and you were going to have to “think out of the box” to salvage/redeem/fix it – or discard it?
What about those times when … well, fill in your own blanks.
I’d been playing with art deco roses inspired by Charles Rennie Macintosh lately, and decided I was ready to turn ‘practicing’ into ‘making’ a card. I had fun making it, but when I stepped-back and looked at it, I realized that it was cluttered. It looked terrible. Really – a mess. So I put it on the mantle and looked at it from various angles.
And then I realized – because of the design of the card, I could “cut” out the bottom right hand corner of the card. But then what? What a strange-looking card that would be.
So I began to extend my thoughts ‘outside the box’ and realized that I could write something on the inside of the card that would be visible from the front of the card. I’m sure others have intentionally created such a card, but I’d not ever seen one, so it was a new possibility for me.
But I wasn’t finished. What would I do with the image that was on the front of the card that was making the card look so cluttered? I could discard it … or I could cut out the image and put it on the inside of the card.
So I cut – and cut – and cut … reducing the original ‘mess’ until all I was left with was a single rose and a little bit around it.
At first, I was sure that the card was going to be discarded, but then the thought came to me: “I think it’s now salvageable.” And that got me thinking again.
Thinking about other things: artwork, sewing projects, meals, political situations and yes, even personal relationships .. things, situations and relationships which, at first glance I think need to be discarded. But maybe – not completely?
The world is in chaos around a variety of issues – like the environment. Are there ways politicians can “think outside the box” … and help create possibilities of life for future generations? Or is the world and its inhabitants going to disappear?
When it comes to personal life how often do we keep our self-critical voice alive with “this is a mess” – “this isn’t salvageable” – “this is …” type of thinking when it comes to our personal relationships?
And what can be done about it when we find ourselves in such situations?
Working on the card, I was reminded (again) … do not give up … consider possibilities … think ‘beyond-beyond’ – aka “think out of the box.”
Another day – another lesson learned. And this time, a simple handmade greeting card became my teacher.
Some days, it seems as if the “rising-waters-of-life” are too much, and there’s nothing we can do.
I remember one such time well. My place of employment was vandalized – again. This time, the vandals pushed a hose through the window of the bathroom in my office, turned on the faucet and disappeared. I wasn’t in the office when it happened but came back in, moments later as the water poured into my office. I could feel the stress rising within me.
That experience has become an apt image for me over the years of those “rising-waters-of-life” times when exterior circumstances are such that I feel flooded-with-stress.
What about you? Can you relate to an experience – in the past? What about now?
Are the personal ‘waters of your life’ rising? Are personal stressors of health, finances, relationships, pummelling your emotional inner shores? Is anger, depression, exhaustion, grief, worry about your future/that of a loved one, further pounding your emotions? Distress robs us of living life to the fullest. Distress denies us the opportunity to be whole in body, mind and spirit.
If we were honest, we would admit that some personal distresswaters can be avoided if we paid attention to our bodies, minds and souls in particular ways like caring for our bodies: driving carefully, eating sensibly, getting adequate amounts of rest, having regular dentist and doctor check-ups, following doctor’s advice, not worrying while waiting for results of medical tests; exercising our minds: reading books, listening to various kinds of music, playing an instrument, developing a hobby, learning a new language; nourishing our souls: savouring the beauty of the world around us; being humbled by the awareness of the gift of our life; being appreciative of, and thankful for, the blessings around us, sitting still and be-ing.
What about the corporate distress waters that are rising quickly these days – global stressors of politics, terrorism, lack of access to clean water, fresh air, food, housing, medical/dental care? What about the rising waters of dictators, autocrats, loss of democracy?
Are any of these corporate distress waters flooding your thoughts and bringing about sleepless nights?
Some would say that little can be done about corporate distress. But, perhaps, there are things — when elections happen, we can … exercise our right to vote at each election (municipal, provincial/state, national/federal) and cast our ballot for the candidates we think will make a positive difference in the environment, legal system, health care, educational system, security, environment etc. The United States has just had their election for the head of their country. Canada will have their election in October 2025. In general, we can … become involved in local communities and volunteer time to organizations which work so faithfully at inculcating morals and values; work with and care for our youth, the elderly, the unemployed, the single parent families, the abused, the victimized, the homeless, the hungry, the mentally ill, the addicted, etc.
We can pray – however we understand that word – pray that the evil (for there is evil in the world) doesn’t overwhelm us, infiltrate the hearts and minds of our youth, contaminate politicians, corporations and institutions any further … pray that goodness will reign; hope will be experienced; inner joy will permeate each woman, child, man, youth; wisdom will be respected; and peace, not conflict or war, will be the mandate of all governments and societies.
And we can share with another – be that a trusted friend, colleague, mentor, counsellor, loved one … and give the fear a voice so that it no longer is trapped within us.
Yes, let’s name the “rising waters of life” that frighten, numb, shock. “Naming” our feelings, our reactions … whether large or small, big or little distress, there IS something we can do to reduce the impact in our daily living of the rising-waters-of-nature/personal concerns/corporate concerns to hopefully will help us rise above the rising waters. May it be so.
I keep hearing the cry … “what is hope?” . the cry … “where is hope?” as results of the Presidential election in the United States were announced. Things have changed – are changing – will change – dramatically.
Lives (bodies, minds, spirits) will be assaulted by threats, violence, racism, sexism, broken promises, and more lies. Slowly, people will begin to realize that Project 2025 is real, as families are separated, the economy worsens and darkness descends in areas of education, health, environment, and more.
I am reminded of a quote by Augustine who, in the fifth century, wrote these words: “Hope has two daughters. Their names are Anger and Courage … ‘anger’ at the way things are … and ‘courage’ to see that they do not remain the way they are.”
Augustine died in 430, a time when many Romans fled for their lives to North Africa because of violence and corruption in high offices. It was a time when hope seemed to be elusive – and invisible. Terrible times. Sound familiar?
These days, many are experiencing the elusive hope, invisible hope of terrible times because of the tragedy of what may be ahead for the people of the United States as a result of the Presidential election, because of wars, earthquakes, tornadoes, floods, and because there are … – diagnoses of a devastating illness. – arrival of eviction notices – hungry and homeless people – disruptions in weather, land, peoples’ lives
Augustine knew that the only way through terrible times was for hope to emerge. His words guided the people at the time.
Could they guide people at this time? Could we be called to be Children/Siblings of Hope in spite of it all?
What if we allowed the anger at the “way things are” to surface by expressing our feelings in journalling, focusing on our breathing, artwork and sharing those feelings in conversations with trusted family, friends, colleagues, professionals?
What if we responded with courage … – by putting one foot in front of the other? – by remembering to breathe? – by inhaling Ruach? – by making time to “be” (remembering that we are human ‘be-ings’ not human ‘do-ings’)? – by sharing our fear, stress, concerns with caring people and welcoming opportunities to live … one moment at a time.
Hope has two daughters. Anger. Courage.
May we give ourselves time space to experience what we are feeling. May we give ourselves time and space to name what we are feeling as ‘anger.’ And may we be open to being Children/Siblings of Courage and Hope, in spite of it all.
“Soulistry” is a neologism combining two words: ‘soul’ and ‘artistry’ … soul-space connecting creativity and spirituality. Sent from the traditional territories of the Coast Salish peoples in the Cowichan Valley, British Columbia. *********************************************** The little figures were made wrapping paper napkin around paper clips. Easy to do.
June Maffin is a Creative Spirituality Artist, workshop leader, and author of several books books. She lives on Vancouver Island, British Columbia. [more]
Blessing / Gratitude Box / Jar
Advent Calendar: Many Advent Calendars have little doors numbered for each day throughout the Season of Advent which open to reveal a small gift, treat, symbol of Christmas, Bible verse and each day of Advent, a door is opened.
Advent Candles: Used for centuries to symbolize Jesus Christ as the Light of the World, they remind believers of the way that Jesus changed the darkness of hatred and evil into the light of Hope, Peace, Joy and Love … themes of the Season of Advent.
Colours of the Season of Advent:
Blue Christmas
The Nativity Scene
Holiday Foods
Christmas Gifts
Christmas Ornaments
Christmas Stockings
Chrismons: are ornaments made in the shape of Christian symbols – reminders of God’s unconditional love expressed through the life of Jesus Christ. The word ‘Chrismon’ is a combination of ‘Christ’ and ‘monogram’. Many of the monograms of Christ were used by Early Christians to identify themselves to one another and to designate meeting locations and places of worship often secret location). Usually made in colour combinations of white, gold and silver to symbolize the purity and majesty of God’s son, Chrismons are often hung on Jesse Trees during the Season of Advent, which are lit by tiny lights (white to represent the Light of the world; blue to represent the Hope of the world – and the Season of Advent). In former times, Chrismons were crocheted from white cotton but more recently, they have been made from felt (sometimes styrofoam), decorated with gold and silver spray, braid, sequins, glitter etc. and white ribbon is used to hang them on the Jesse Tree.
Jesse Tree
