Have you ever created something only to have it *not* end up being what you imagined it would be … a painting, a dinner, a handmade card, a Zentangle® tile, a quilt, a sweater … likely, yes.
And, when you discovered that it wasn’t what you had hoped for, did the word “fail” cross your mind? or the word “end” (as in, I’ve never going to paint, crochet, etc.) again? or the word “no,” as in your inner voice telling you ‘not’ to enter it into your local fair or contest, give it as a gift or post it on FB or IG?
If so, then maybe it’s time to remember the words of the former President of India, Abdul Kalam (whose words I’ve adapted) … and what the words “Fail. End. No” can mean?
If you fail, never give up because F.A.I.L. means First Attempt In Learning. End is not the end because E.N. D. means Effort Never Dies. And if you get “no” for an answer, remember that N.O. means Next Opportunity.
Guess who is on to N.O. — the Next Opportunity to create.
People of many cultures, traditions and religions around the world around this time of the year, use the symbol of light to bring the spiritual victory of light over darkness, good over evil, and knowledge over ignorance with the intention of driving away the physical darkness of winter and the spiritual darkness of hopelessness and fear.
To those marking the Hindu “Festival of Lights” – a special happy Diwali which has begun. Diwali is five days of celebration where, on Day 1, homes are cleaned, rangolis and kolam are made and decorative art is drawn with rice flour; homes are decorated with clay pots (Day 2); on Day 3 (today), the height of the holiday, best clothes are worn, lamps are lit to bring as much light as possible into homes and fireworks are ignited bringing light and colour to the sky. Then tomorrow (Day 4),considered to be the first day of the new year, the focus will be on thanksgiving and reflection; and the final day of Diwali (Day 5) siblings are celebrated and the bond between them is honoured.
However, it’s not just those of the Hindu faith who use the symbol of light to banish the darkness. When we watch the news and become disenchanted, distressed, concerned or fearful by the expanding negativity, hatred, fear, it might be good to remember the words of President John F. Kennedy – “what unites us is greater than what separates us” and light a candle to symbolize the bringing of light into the darkness of the world.
For example, many … put a light in their window in the ancient tradition of Winter Solstice … light the Menorah candles on each of the eight days of Hanukkah … begin their seven nights of Kwanzaa by the lighting of the Kinara … light the candles on each of the four weeks of the Season of Advent … place lights around homes, in wreaths and trees throughout the Season of Christmas.
However we shed light in the darkness, may joy, hope and peace surround you at your special times of celebration. And may the light shine … from within each of us … through each of us … beyond each of us. May it be a Merry, Happy, Joy-filled Diwali, Winter Solstice, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Advent and Christmas.
As I drove through Shawnigan Lake, B.C. on Vancouver Island, I noticed this path.
I stopped to take the photo because it caught my eye and gently reminded me that while the Fall/Autumn Season has arrived, if I look ahead, I will see the Light … the Light of Spring … the Light of Hope. It is there (at the very back of this photo – in life).
Even in the darkest of days, somewhere in the world, there is light/Light and light/Light is part of Hope. May we be the light and hold the Light for those who cannot see it, imagine it, experience it.
In the reality of … rising homelessness, war refugees, addiction, climate refugees; increasing hatred at work, school board meetings, local community gatherings; escalating polarization among family members, religious communities, cities / towns / villages, many are experiencing grief at a profound, often inexplicable level.
It is a grief that is different than the grief experienced after personal loss (death of a loved one, limb, ability, relationship, home, job). It is a grief that rises when hearts are heavy from the hurt and pain due to witnessing hate, racism, injustice and discrimination in our local community, on the news, in person, in social media.
Francis Weller, in “The Wild Edge of Sorrow,” writes that it is “difficult to walk down the street and not feel the collective sorrows of homelessness or the economic insanity revealed in commercialism and consumerism. It takes everything we have to deny the sorrows of the world.”
So if you’re wondering why you’re feeling more tired; your body is hurting; you’re experiencing confusion, unusual anger, impatience, loss of sleep (or inability to sleep), headaches, resentment at life’s ‘little things’ etc., (and you’ve not lost your job, a relationship, a loved one etc), it could very well be the consequence of collective sorrow – corporate grief.
What to do about it? Three suggestions: … we can “turn off” for a bit of a break – retreat from social media, don’t enter conversations that cause distress … we can become a supporter, ally, listener, financial contributor of people/causes that touch our soul … we can talk to someone we trust, as simply ‘naming’ the grief/feelings can release some of their grip on us.
And if/when mental health concerns surface, we can … speak with a health care professional … focus on balancing the sorrows of the world with moments of gratitude, experiences with nature, gentle moments with ourself while enjoying a craft / art / music / hobby / reading.
Focusing on all that is happening in the world can be a double-edged emotional sword. It can both trigger past grief, cause fear and sense of hopelessness and lead to deep emotional trauma … and it can promote into action. Action via peaceful protest … contacting political leaders … becoming involved in the political process … learning about Restorative Justice programs in the community … speaking out by writing letters to the editor in local newspapers, being witnesses to the truth … and more.
Corporate grief is real. While sorrows of the world have always existed, today’s social media world and the exploding world of AI bring those sorrows in our living rooms, on our phones, even on our watches. It’s up to us as to how we handle the sense of corporate grief that is palpable, visible, here-and-now.
May we be honest with ourselves and acknowledge the reality of corporate grief and then take steps to do what we can to move us beyond a sense of helplessness and hopelessness; be part of the witness; and do what we can to raise consciousness, bring truth to the lies, and work towards change within ourselves – not so we stop being compassionate beings, but so we can be / continue to be concerned about, care for, advocate on behalf of those people and situations without being crippled by the communal grief.
Conversations seem to be happening more and more often around “Get your affairs in order … just in case” as fires, flooding, tornadoes, hurricanes, etc. cause devastation and people are faced with the seriousness and reality of their own mortality.
I encourage friends to not just speak about such things – or just think about them – but actually “get their affairs in order.” But, I find few do.
There are always excuses – verbal and unspoken … “I’m young. I’ve got lots of time.” … “My partner/husband/wife just won’t talk about this.” … “My kids will make the right decisions for me/us when the time comes.”
When serious illness is diagnosed, when someone unexpectedly dies, when weather horrors result in the destruction of home / business, the consequences of ‘not being prepared’ lead to even more stress.
Several years before my beloved Dutch-born husband Hans died, we not only tightened up our paperwork (aka “got our affairs in order” – updated our Wills and Representation Agreements), but each wrote what our wishes were (what we called our PWD – Personal Wish Document), if we were not able to die at home but had to be in institutional care or were permanently hospitalized.
Things like — “If I can swallow, my favourite beverage is … ” (for me: Tim Horton’s Hot Chocolate; for Hans: Scotch <g> — “If I can hear, see, I’d like certain personal things close by … ” (watch, eyeglasses, hearing aids, iPhone, pillow, blanket etc.) — “If I can read, I’d like my … “(iPad, reader, favourite book etc.) — “If I can hear, I’d like to hear music” (for me it’s musicals and semi-classical symphonies and baroque; for Hans it was organ music and Diana Krall) — “If I can watch tv, I’d like to watch … “(for Hans it was “How It’s Made” and the history channel; for me it’s musicals and British comedy) — “If I can eat, I’d love a treat of … ” (for both of us it was milk chocolate).
Even though Hans couldn’t swallow, I put a drop of Scotch on his tongue and he could taste it. Same thing with the smallest amount of milk chocolate. And, he watched “How It’s Made.” Well, the tv was tuned to that channel. I’m not sure he was aware it was on that channel, but who knows. Scientists say that the last sense to leave us is our hearing, so maybe he was hearing it.
I would add something else … record your voice. Oh, how I wish I had thought of, and done, this one. I have lots of photos of Hans, but no record of his voice and I would love to hear his sweet voice.
Hans and I believed that death was a part of life and neither of us had a fear of death. It was the dying part that we weren’t thrilled about. But doing the above gave us a sense of control over that part of life’s journey.
Loss of control is something that happens towards the end of our lives. It can happen in small ways – and in large ways. But, having such a PWD (Personal Wish Document) along with updated Wills and Representation Agreements CAN help.
Death is not a pleasant subject. However, the reality is – death is going to happen some day to everyone we love – and to ourselves.
When we die, our loved ones will experience a variety of emotions. Underneath it all, is stress. Profound, gut-wrenching, deep stress.
But, there are things we can do before our life’s journey ends – some things we can do to make our death less stressful for those we love. “Get things in order.” Now. Not next month. Not next year. Earlier than later … “get things in order.”
Today is Canada Day in this country. I honour and pay respect to the privilege and reality that I live on unceded aboriginal land, meaning that Aboriginal Title has neither been surrendered nor acquired by the government (Crown) and that our national anthem notes “our home and native land.”
Canada became a self-governing Dominion on July 1, 1867. That’s only 156 years ago. We are a very young country.
The First Nations people have been here for over 15,000 years. Our history with the People of the Land was not good long ago. It is not good now, as many in our land continue to reel at discoveries of unmarked graves of children on properties of former Residential Schools, and the ongoing reality of missing and murdered indigenous women continues to appall.
But there is hope in the gentle word “Mamawi” which is Cree for “All together” – a word which holds a hope that reconciliation can happen and that this country *can* heal. It will take intention. It will take time. It will take sacrifice. It will take work. But it is possible.
As we move into the next year of the history of this country of Canada, may we work to more fully respect the traditions of the First People of this land. May we honour their love of and care for the land, waters around it, the animals and life that live on our land and in the waters around. May we stop pointing fingers and recognize our role in the sense of helplessness, anger and fear by colonization and racism. May we find healing ways to acknowledge the hurt in our country’s history. And may we express gratitude for the good that is here. For there is good here.
Happy Canada Day, my friends. May it be a peaceful and safe day, mindful of our many blessings.
************** OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM: We are a bilingual country.
OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM IN ENGLISH “O Canada! Our home and native land! True patriot love in all of us command. With glowing hearts we see thee rise, The True North strong and free! From far and wide, O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. God keep our land glorious and free! O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM IN FRENCH Ô Canada! Terre de nos aïeux, Ton front est ceint de fleurons glorieux! Car ton bras sait porter l’épée, Il sait porter la croix! Ton histoire est une épopée Des plus brillants exploits. Et ta valeur, de foi trempée, Protégera nos foyers et nos droits. Protégera nos foyers et nos droits.
OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM’S BILINGUAL VERSION O Canada! Our home and native land! True patriot love in all of us command, Car ton bras sait porter l’épée, Il sait porter la croix! Ton histoire est une épopée Des plus brillants exploits, God keep our land glorious and free! O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
My birthday was yesterday and it was one of those landmark birthdays. One of those “Oh my gosh how did I get here?” birthdays. One of those “I’ve outlived my parents and my siblings!” birthdays. One of those “I’m holding fast to Mark Twain’s words: ‘Age is a matter of mind. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter” birthdays. One of those “It does matter because it’s a reminder that I’m not getting any younger” birthdays. And at the same time, it’s also a reminder, as Debbie Reynolds sang in the musical “The Unsinkable Molly Brown” (https://genius.com/Debbie-reynolds-i-aint-down-yet-lyrics) that “I Ain’t Done Yet!” In other words, I’m still here which tells me there are things I have yet to do.
Birthdays rate quite high on the stress-test (which counts ‘distress’ and ‘eustress’) which is often surprising for many people. Birthdays can be HIGH’S: big celebration and they can be LOW’S: the stress of birthday prep; the stress of ‘to get a gift or not’ and if so, ‘what’ gift; the stress of past birthdays that were anything but happy.
I’m someone who asks questions. Then I reflect on my own questions. And when I do, I often come up with more questions because I believe that human beings are meant to bring meaning to life and that in asking questions, in reflecting, we come to know ourselves better, hopefully discover ways we can be better human beings and come closer to understanding the meaning of life for ourselves.
I think that there is ‘meaning’ connected with our birthday. If so, what does your birthday mean for you now? Think back – what did your birthday mean to you when you were five? Remember Danny Kaye singing “I’m five. I’m five. I’m a big boy now, I’m five!”https://www.letssingit.com/danny-kaye-lyrics-i-m-five-gl27rzc) or Barbra Streisand’s “I’m five. I’m five. I’m a big girl now, I’m five!” (https://genius.com/Barbra-streisand-im-five-lyrics)
What did your birthday mean when you were 13 – becoming a teenager? What about 18 / 21 – becoming an adult? What about turning 50 – half a century? What about turning 65 – retirement age? What about the decades / half-decades which follow: 70, 75, 80, 85, 90, 95, 100+?
I’ve discovered, to my surprise, that my birthdays at each of the above stages had a different meaning to me. This year, one of those decade/half-decade years, has a new meaning. And so I will be doing some self-reflection on the aging process, answer the above questions for myself, and set a goal for the coming year / coming half-decade: a goal that is achievable. At the end of the year/half-decade, I’ll reflect on how that goal was achieved.
The last time I did this on my ‘half-decade birthday,’ my husband had recently died. I was facing an unknown future without him. My goal was two-pronged: breathe and heal. Through the initial grieving, my mantra focused on my breathing, remembering Dame Julian of Norwich’s words “All shall be well. All shall be well. And all manner of thing shall be well” which helped me focus when I didn’t think I could breathe with all of the things that had to be done. Then came the healing – gently stepping into the world as a widow. It is not easy. It takes work.
And yesterday, I arrived at another landmark birthday. What will the next half-decade / decade bring? What will I learn? How many other half-decade / decade birthdays will I have? And how will I mark them?
And those are not just my questions. They can be yours too: what will your next half-decade / decade bring? What will you learn? How many other half-decade / decade birthdays will you have? How will you mark them?
Whatever the answers, may each of us be mindful that each birthday is gift … another day to celebrate being alive; another day to contribute to the world; another day to give thanks and be grateful for at least one thing. Let’s not squander our birthdays; let’s not take our birthdays for granted; let’s not regret our birthdays. Let’s celebrate them! The alternative is … well, who wants to think about not having another birthday?
I believe that birthdays remind us that we are ‘works in progress’ rather than ‘completed’ lives. So, may we celebrate the progress we have made and anticipate the progress we have yet to make.
Around the world, fires burn, water rises, tempers flare, workers strike, untruths abound, fear permeates, AI threatens and the war in Ukraine continues.
I discovered the Photofunia App and played with it a bit … placing a watercolour piece I created for the people of Ukraine, surrounded by images of hope – for them and the rest of the world.
May the symbolism of the egg, green leaves and daffodils open hearts and minds to the possibility of life … new life … without forest fires, floods, anger, strikes, lies, fear, threat, war.
Let it go. Let it be. Acceptance. Not fear. Let it be.
Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez wrote the music/lyrics to the ‘Let It Go’ theme song in Disney’s ‘Frozen’ and said that anyone who’s carrying a secret shame that gets so heavy they can’t carry it anymore, is identifying with the idea of “shedding and starting anew.”
If carrying a secret shame that gets heavy If carrying a memory that gets heavy If carrying an anger that gets heavy If carrying a resentment that gets heavy If carrying a regret that gets heavy If carrying a fear that preoccupies and gets heavy If carrying a decision that gets heavy If carrying a burden of any kind that gets heavy Let it go.
Let it be Acceptance. Not fear.
Let it be.
And if it’s difficult – or impossible – to let it go to let it be may professional help be found to guide you to healing, health, wholeness and a place where you can truly Let It Be(e).
