Tomorrow, February 14th is going to be an unusual day for those who like to mark Valentine’s Day and for whom Ash Wednesday is part of their faith. This year, they both occur on the same day!
Around the world, people will gather to receive the ashes on their forehead and hear the words “Dust thou art and to dust thou shalt return” on what is known as Ash Wednesday – the first day of what is known as the Season of Lent.Those words are certainly not anyone favourite words, but they represent a truth which is important to remember from time to time – our own mortality. Ash Wednesday every year, is a sober reminder that we are mortal – not immortal. Acknowledging our humanity, our vulnerability, our mortality, helps us to live more fully.
Do we need to be a Christian to do that? No. Do we need to have experienced an Ash Wednesday service before? No. Do we need to be connected to a church to do that? No. All we need to do is accept our mortality, allow the ashes to be a sign – an outward symbol of what is hoped would happen internally and a commitment to be the best we can be – that we recognize that our mortal life is a gift, and commit ourselves (with the help of the Holy One if that is part of our belief), to use the rest of our mortal life to the very best of our ability.
Side bar – interestingly, the imposition of ashes, is not just a Christian tradition. It was an ancient Jewish tradition and was a public sign of an individual’s repentance. By the seventh century, the Christian church adopted it as part of the Church’s Lenten preparation before the Season of Easter.
The ‘imposition of ashes’ can take various forms: sprinkle ashes into the palm of one’s own or a family member’s hand and apply it to the forehead; use a cotton Qtip, dipped into the ashes and placed on the forehead. Some groups/congregations give members dirt, seed and water instead of ashes, acknowledging that from the dust of the world, new hope springs.
Some churches encourage people to mark their hearts with the sign of a heart (or the Cross) as an outward and visible sign of their intention to turn their heart to God and experience God’s unconditional love and forgiveness in a new way, saying the words “Dust I am and to dust I shall return.” Whatever way each of us chooses to observe Ash Wednesday, may we enter with humility and gratitude.
This year, Valentine’s Day is also happening tomorrow on February 14th. It is a day where people talk about love and try to express love by giving flowers/heart-shaped cards, chocolates. But could there be more? Could something more happen on this duo-day of emotion?
This year on Ash Wednesday/Valentine’s Day, could we love our families sufficiently that we have the “I don’t want to have this discussion with you, but it’s time” conversation with them? You know the conversation … it’s about the reality of our death.
Could we talk about the inevitability of death in general and about our own death in particular … talk about how we hope we would die (most of us want to be home, go to sleep and not wake up); talk about the “What if’s” (what if we don’t die at home in our sleep? what if we are riddled with pain? what if we face a future of permanent care in an institution etc); talk about, what would we want to have with us if we find ourselves in institutional care or are receiving palliative care in a facility or at home and even our view about MAiD (Medical Assistance in Dying).
Such a talk would not only be for ourselves, but for our loved ones, so that should something terrible happen, should “it” – or the illness get to a level where institutionalization, palliative care etc. need to be addressed and our families have to make decisions on our behalf, they will be doing so in accordance with our wishes.
But if we don’t have “the conversation” with our adult children/partner/best friend – whoever – they will be at a loss and their confusion about ‘what to do’ will be added to the fear, anxiety, grief they feel when they get “the phone call/text/email.”
I have sat by the bedside over the years of countless people who did not have any such conversation with their loved ones because they “didn’t want to worry them,” “didn’t want to upset them”, “stress them”. So, they did not have that conversation. When “it” happened, their family members, dealing with a wide variety of emotions, were faced with a parent/partner/loved one dealing with a stroke/untreatable illness/inoperable results from a vehicle accident, would tell me how much they wish they knew what their loved one would want them to do at such a time.
So in keeping with the theme of Valentine’s Day “love” and the theme of Ash Wednesday’s “mortality”, let’s have that difficult conversation – for them.
Let’s sit down for a serious conversation and begin in your own words. For me, with my adult son, it was along these lines — “This is a difficult subject and I want to talk about it with you.” I wasn’t seriously ill; I wasn’t facing a traumatic event; no “reason” to have such a discussion at that time other than I loved him enough to talk about the eventuality of my death and let him know my wishes.
So I told him where my Will was, told him about the specifics of my wishes (duly signed and witnessed via a Representation Agreement – in some places it is Living Will); spoke to him about which of the three levels of DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) I would want if faced with such a situation; we spoke of ‘service’ should I die and that would be his decision at the time – no “must have” a service; mentioned where I would want my cremains to rest; what funeral home had my pre-paid plan; showed him where I kept paperwork about lawyer / house / car / insurance / banking / computer / social media / income tax info / etc.; gave him a list (if I had to go into permanent institutional care), of things which I thought might help my transition. And, I put some of that (esp. the DNR info) in an envelope on the front door of my fridge as that is the only place First Responders go to check such information.
Such a talk would not be an easy discussion, by any stretch of the imagination. But it is one that we all need to have. And have that conversation now – while we are able to make our wishes known.
Don’t wait. Do it on Valentine’s Day/Ash Wednesday this year. Then it will have been done, and you can be at peace, knowing that you will be helping your loved ones at a time when they must deal with the reality of the serious illness/death of someone they dearly love – you.
A true story: He was about eight. She was about seven. They were talking about another child, a classmate who stuttered. When their mother said “She can’t help it. Be kind,” the two children laughed. “Why?” the boy asked. “You make fun of Mrs. Baker. You’re not kind to her.”
I didn’t stay around to hear the rest of the conversation. I’d heard enough. The mocking, belittling, bullying language the two children used was language they’d heard – and learned – at home.
The mocking, bullying, belittling language children hear at home … the lies from leaders … the vitriol expressed on social media … the lack of kindness on the road, in stores, in families, in volunteer organizations, at work, etc., is teaching our children, youth, grandchildren, us … and what it’s teaching isn’t good.
The ‘wand of negativity’ seems to be on the increase in so many sectors of society. It takes so much energy! It drains – physically, emotionally, spiritually. And it’s not helped by the polarization of people taking ‘sides’.
On the other hand, the ‘wand of kindness’ doesn’t take anywhere nearly as much effort. Kindness can uplift – physically, emotionally, spiritually. Mother Theresa said “Kind words can be brief, but their echo goes on forever.”
May we pick up the ‘wand of kindness’ a bit more tomorrow, than we did, today.
May we wave the ‘wand of kindness’ a bit wider than we did this week.
May we *be* the Wand that brings kindness to those around us, those we encounter, those we think about, those with whom we interact in person, on the phone, on social media.
May we extend that ‘wand of kindness’ to ourselves in these difficult times.
The month of February can be difficult for many. Social media and local stores focus on Valentine’s Day to the hilt.
Many have outlived their partners … parents have outlived their children … children have outlived their parents/siblings … close friends have died … and there’s no one to say “Happy Valentine’s Day”.
So, how about instead of focusing on Valentine’s Day … we make the whole month of February LOVEUARY month, and express love to someone (relative, stranger, friend etc.) by making a card with a heart on it. Loveuary (Love+uary from February).
I’ve been making heart-cards … Loveuary Cards … and leaving them in clear plastic sleeves in various places in our little town. There are lots of places and people who would welcome a Loveuary Card: reception desks at assisted living homes, homeless shelters, nursing homes, low income housing … a neighbour … your child’s teachers … your doctor/dentist/friend/physio/dental hygienist/minister/relative … fire department … police department, etc., along with a little note that says “This card is yours. It was made with love. I hope it puts a little smile on your face. Keep it. Pass it on to someone else. Or just leave it where you found it for someone else to find.” (and then I add “Created for you in Duncan, British Columbia an “Art Abandonment Project.”
Or, something like this: “I am NOT lost. I was placed here to bring you JOY. “
Use your own words. Add your own location – or not. Add “Art Abandonment Project” – or not.
Please just be mindful of potential security and health issues when you leave your cards.
The best places to leave the Loveuary cards seem to be at reception centres, community/church/town Bulletin Boards and handed to another personally, not on vehicles, in stores or medical facilities.
Let’s make February, LOVEUARY month! Let’s share a little love! Whip out your calligraphy / painting / craft supplies / crayons and make a Loveuary Card. It can be a simple heart … a bunch of hearts … on cardstock, on craft paper, on watercolour paper … on whatever! The recipient will be delighted by what you make because you made it with love.
This year, I’m making my Loveuary cards on scratch paper … black and when you scratch the design, colours flood through the black to the surface! Then I mount it on coloured cardstock and then mount it all on folded black cardstock. You never know what colour is underneath. It’s such fun! HAPPY LOVEUARY!
Why do we focus on that which separates? Why do we dwell on differences?
Surely, regardless of ,.. religion … ethnicity … gender … geographical location … sexual identity … financial status … language … birthing order … education … ability … sexual preference … colour of skin, eyes, hair … etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., we are more similar than different?
When we bleed … our blood is red. When we feel pain … it hurts. When we smile … it’s the same language.
There is more that brings us together … than keeps us apart.
While we recognize and acknowledge our differences which make us unique, instead, may we celebrate our similarities which bring us together.
Thanks to Asger Lethfor of Denmark for the “Three Beautiful Human Minutes” video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hcwjkalm718
When I saw these images, I was reminded of words in the Old Testament: (we are) “fearfully and wonderfully made.” <Psalm 139 verse 14>.
In the context of Biblical times, the word ‘fearfully’ was not based on today’s understanding of ‘fear,’ but based on the-then understanding of the word which was ‘awe’.
The word ‘wonderful,’ meant ‘filled with wonder’.
‘Awe’ and ‘wonder’ summarize my response to the physical part of ourselves (our bodies) and to this planet, its inhabitants, flora fauna, animal kingdom.
When I consider the fibonacci sequence, fractals (branching in trees, arranging of leaves on a stem, fruitlets of a pineapple, flowering of artichoke, arrangement of a pine cone, etc., I am even more in awe. If that’s even possible!
Have a look at these images:
Co-incidence?
Creative imagining?
Divine creation?
The universe … the plant world … the animal kingdom … human beings … the environment) …. each – “fearfully and wonderfully made.”
“Gift”.
As the receiver of these gifts, may we be responsible as their caregivers … care for the plant world, care for the rivers and lakes and oceans and the worlds contained within them, care for the atmosphere, care for the animals, care for the environment, care for one another – and care for ourselves.
Life, in all of its manifestations, is precious and has been “fearfully and wonderfully made.”
Last week, there were no daffodils beginning to grow and no cyclamen flower blooming. I knew they were there … but they had been covered with snow. A lot of snow!
The snow was on the streets, in driveways, in gardens, in parking lots. Over a foot of the white stuff covered the flower beds and I anticipated that the snow had severely injured the plants growing underneath.
But then because of the constant rain, much of the snow has melted and underneath … a little miracle if you will! The plants under the snow had all faced the adversity of a winter storm and yet had survived … the winter cyclamen had blossomed and the daffodils to the left of the cyclamen have begun their journey through the dirt to become a flower.
It is said that “Tenacity is strength in adversity.” When we “hold on” in adversity, whatever the situation, be that Nature’s fury, personal health issues, politics or whatever, we are being tenacious. And tenacity is strength! I like that thought.
Consider these people: Greta Thunberg … Joan of Arc … Rosa Parks … Martin Luther King Jr. … to name just a few.
Consider the people you know: family and friends who have weathered personal storms, Nature’s storms, stormy consequences of political decisions …
Each of us, at one time or another, has “weathered a storm” and demonstrated ‘tenacity in adversity.’ If you doubt that, take a moment and think of a time when you were faced with a situation that was contentious, frightening, anxiety-producing … aka “adversity.”
Then take a moment to reflect on how you got through that time/that moment/that experience – how you’re getting through it now.
Each of those moments was an example of your resilience … your tenacity. You “got through,” in some way. Strength!
My late husband, shortly before dying, whispered “You are stronger than you think you are.” At that moment, and in the moments, days and weeks and months which followed, I didn’t “feel” strong. But he was right. I “got through”: tenacity. Tenacity is strength.
May we each remember and not lose sight of that when adversity enters our lives again. We are stronger than we think we are.
